Monkey's Groovy Bar and Funky Food

One day after shopping for my asian food product fix at the nearby Paris Store in Belleville, I passed by this strangely decorated bar/resto, thinking nothing of it, other than it looked, just, well, out of place, with an omnipresent stylized ape logo, and multicolored furniture, it didn't look quite right. Then a couple of trusted friends told me that their burgers were, in the words of one, 'legendary'. So I had to check it out. It turns out the chef did time in the kitchens of the Meurice, and ended up associating himself with Nicolas Barthelemy, an Oberkampf bar owner who wanted to change 'hoods.

I dropped by this afternoon to check it out, and ordered their no. 2, a minced lamb burger, with coriander, ginger, Thai basil all enveloped in a cereal bun, accompanied with home cut frites. Everything seemed fresh and homemade, although the fries were a little cold, and the bottom part of the burger disintegrated halfway through eating it. The music was moody and funky, service very friendly, and the beer and food (4€ for the pint of Stella, 10€ the burger) reasonably priced. Other burgers include satay sauced chicken, beef with thyme, mozza, pickles and beefheart tomato, and even a veggy version for the effete set.

The bar and kitchen are open until 2am, making this an interesting alternative to other nearby bobo Belleville bars (Aux Folies, Café Cherie, etc)

PS Apologies for the iPhone pic...


Monkey's
68 boulevard de la Villette, 19th
+33.1.40.18.08.10

The Blackberryfication of the Concierge

I should have seen this coming a mile away. . I can just imagine those corporate eggheads at Hyatt ground zero saying to themselves, 'How could we possible offer more service?' ie , give hopped up, pain-in-the-ass clients even more ways to spend their time in complete verbal masturbation with hotel staff, in order to avoid the wide-eyed, middle of the night terror of not having that perfectly organized hotel trip.

Then again, maybe it's genius.

Chilled glass of rosé on the Canal is beckoning...

L'Oscar

Oscar: Simple, good value on the edge of the Triangle d'Or. Tiny, expensive sidestreet in the 16th, just behind the avenue Marceau. 21€, three course lunch menu. Chicken salad with tomatoes, green beans, carrot, beetroot, and Parmesan. Excellent steak tartar (normally if it's not coupé au couteau, I won't touch it).Expertly mixed with ketchup, tabasco, etc etc, served with fresh potatoes. OK fondant au chocolat. . But at this price, it's hard to complain.


L'Oscar
6 rue de Chaillot, 75116 Paris
+33.1.47.20.26.92

Ari - Mme Shawn's Thai concept trainwreck

I knew I shouldn't have. I really did. But sometimes after a few too many glasses we all make stupid dining plans. Last night's was particularly disastrous, even more so coming from a restaurateur that I've been frequenting for a long time.

I've been going to Madame Shawn's discreet little Thai bistro for a few years now, and although I know it's not the most authentic , and that their staff seem to change mysteriously with each ship coming in from Bangkok, I've always been able to trust their food quality and consistency. In the last couple of years, Madame Shawn has built a sort of empire, with new establishments popping up in the upper Marais, the 11th, the 16th and two others near her original restaurant near the Canal Saint Martin.

The most recent opening is Ari, in what was formerly Le Sporting, a sort of fusion place with Asian, French and Asian/French specialties. The staff weren't really able to explain the concept, (or even speak much French to tell the truth) , but none of the dishes seemed to be done correctly with a general confusion pervading the room when dishes showed up. We probably should have left at this point, except that the lady who runs the place we knew from the original Madame Shawn was so happy to see us, the terrace was full of apparently happy, good looking people ,and those four pints....

We decided to keep it simple. I took the green papaya salad with dried beef. Why, I don't know, but Madame Shawn's original Som Tam is my favorite in Paris. Here it was a total miss. Not spiced enough, and covered in strips of blackened, tough meat. The Asian "Brie burger" proved to be pretty much inedible, dry, piled too high with ingredients to eat, and accompanied by frozen potato wedges.

Funnily enough, throughout the meal, images of Kitchen Nightmares were going through my head, with Chef Ramsey lurching off to the bathroom to retch. That feeling was reinforced when seeing a kitchen staff member leave men's room without washing hands.

So sorry Madame Shawn, with all due respect, there's no saving this place in it's current form. Advice: Reduce the menu drastically to simple "exotic" snacks, chic comfort foods, crank the ambient music, and turn this trainwreck of a concept into a Canal friendly lounge that'll pay the bills along the line and keep your rep unsallied.

Le Grand Venise

Vegetable "amuse bouche"

Charcuterie

Mussels in creamy lime sauce

Favas

Antipasti Armegeddon

Langoustines served with home made tartar

Tower of caramel ice cream


It's almost a shame to publicize my recent meal at Paris' most discreet insider Italian. Located in the residential fifteenth far from the center, and run by the amazing Marina (who, though far from young, still goes to Rungis immediately after the dinner service ends at 1 or 2 am), this place is packed with well-heeled families and foreigners, celebs, magnates, most of whom would eat nowhere else. The dining room is a bit kitch, filled with flowers and plants, the food over the top with the very best ingredients in copious amounts, service pro, the perfect place to go with a large group of friends for the table topping generosity of this hidden gem.

A typical meal starts off with a basket of garden vegetables, gorgonzola, mascapone, two types of butter, olives, superb homemade olive oils and balsamic vinegar and freshly toasted bread. This is best followed by the platter of charcuterie (Parma ham, mortadella, salami, coppa, pancetta) and/or the massive antipasti platter with fava beans, mussels in a creamy lime sauce, marinated peppers, fritto misti, aubergines, fried onions, followed by a very correct tagliatelli carbonara, and their famous towering block of homemade caramel ice cream accompanied by cherries with cinnamon and cloves. All washed down with champagne served in frosty glasses and small run Toscan wines.

Be forewarned: it's expensive but worth it, kind of like an Italian Ami Louis.

PS Sorry for the iPhotos, but I was more into eating and drinking than archiving...

Barthélemy Aggro

Funny how people can be such inbred jerkoffs. I was just fact checking a piece I just wrote for the BBC's gourmet food magazine and called up the famous fromagerie to confirm the price of their Vacherin. It went something like this (translated from the Frog of course):

"Hello. I'm writing an article for the BBC magazine olive and I'd just like to check the price on a cheese please"

"Ah, let me get you the manager". (in the background, off phone "Patrrrroonn, une magazine veut vous parler")

Another person on the line, most probably Roland Barthélemy: "I'm not interested". Click. The bastard hung up on me! I feel anger at the rude, overrated French artisan who probably likes to BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP

...but, I call back.

"Hello, you just hung up on me."

Him: "I told you I'm not interested. I'm busy". Preparing to hang up.

Me: " You are being rude. And anyway, you're in the article whether you like it or not. If you want correct information published about your establishment, all you have to do is tell me".

Him: "I'm busy". Hangs up.

Luckily there are legions of other fromageries offering comparable quality cheese at much more reasonable prices.

And with friendlier service.

And he is so out of the article.

Rocking out with my gastronomic cock out

Oth Sombath nouvelle cuisine Thai

Steam cooked langoustines

Filet of sea bass and lime cooked in a banana leaf

Filet of beef with orange curry sauce

Sweet water chestnut with coconut cream


Here are a few photos from my recent meal at Oth Sombath, a nouvelle Thai

The space age, Patrick Jouin designed dining room is a pretty impressive three room duplex space, like something out of the Jetsons (upstairs feels a little claustrophobic). The chef has a pretty good pedigree (Blue Elephant, Banyan, his own place in Saint Trop), and , to tell the truth, I really didn't know what to expect. But the meal was pretty excellent. They're not afraid of spicing up dishes right from the start, but things seemed to be less exciting towards the end. Highlights included the Tom Kha Kai, a free range chicken, coconut and galanga soup (superb, light), the Keang Massaman Neua, beef fillet with orange curry (curry a little watery and not as potent as the spices for the opening dishes), and Ta Ko, a superb dessert, coconut cream with water chestnuts.

Rice and Fish - Cheap and Cheerful

Another of the French food critics darlings (Figaro, le fooding) , this friendly little sushi resto, located on a semi-pedestrian side street sandwiched on the periphery of skanky Chatelet and Sentier and the bobo-ish shopping street Etienne Marcel has morphed into one of the most popular Asians in town. Run by San Franciscan Andy , who trained in the You Ess Ay, Rice and Fish offers inexpensive (though not mindblowing) makis, sushi and chirashi. Service is friendly although they seem a bit overwhelmed by the demand (forgotten napkins, no spider crab, no deep fried ice cream), the food is decent, though not surprising in any way and the terrace a nice place to hang under the sun drinking chilled Kirin (although I did spill half of mine all over my trousers while watching a pretty girl walk by, much to the amusement of the neighboring tables..)

Hmmmm

Passage 53 - menu degustation

Last night took the occasion to try out the new degustation menu at one of my favourite tables. For those of you who have been living in a cave for the last few months, the Passage 53 is one of Paris' most interesting new restaurants: located in the city's oldest covered passageway, run by Guillaume (whose father-in-law is France's most famous and coveted butcher de luxe, Hugo Desnoyer), and orchestrated by Mr. Sato, former chef of Paris' only Michelin-starred Japanese, Aida. (who also did a stint at the three-star Astrance). The restaurant was boiling inside, so luckily we had a table on the terrace, where we enjoyed nine dishes from the chef's surprise menu, which at 60€ is reasonable and worth the detour.


Broccoli emulsion with crunchy broccoli bits


Veal tartar from Hugo Desnoyer on a bed of Gillardeau oysters


Grilled calamari with cabbage and cauliflower cream


Foie gras with strawberries


Cod with white radish cream


Turbot


Veal filet with noirmoutier potatoes and mushrooms


Rhubarb jelly with rhubarb cubes


Green tea sorbet with red fruit and puffed rice

Ca a bougé au Bourget

Question: What could be more pleasant way to start off a Sunday morning than with the smell of jet fuel in one's nostrils?

Answer: The smell of jet fuel in one's nostrils, in a private loge, invited by the world's top private airline company , at the end of a runway at the Bourget private airport, watching the créme de la créme of the world's aerospace industry take off, the air vibrating with 60,000 pounds of thrust while downing, in rapid succession, six of Dom Ruinart's best champagnes, accompanied by stellar canapés, and surrounded by hot air stewardesses. Then doing it all over again.


Dom Ruinart 1996


Yummy snacks

Me and Roger Clemens (or Rogering Clemens)

This is so cool!. Not only am I Paris' hottest food blogger, but I'm also a skanky stripper doing geriatric ex-ball player Roger Clemens! This should get me that extra blog traffic I need!

Camera Obscura

Total chillout mode. Wearing lightweight "Domino" t-shirt (limited not for sale edition) given to me by the film producer who gave me a bunch of promo stuff because he liked me. Typing this all on my MacBook Pro, next to the open window of my industrial white minimalist cuisine looking out over the oldest covered swimming pool in Paris and a ground level, duplex loft housing a photography studio, which, when in full swing degorges one young Scandinavian/former Eastern bloc model after another, drinking a cold can of 1664 , which could easily be a Kirin, glass of Red Bull/Stoli, artisinal absinthe, or Wattwiller, just popped a diantalvic for dull muscle pain, probably going to listen to songs from DM, David Gahan, The Eels, Motley Crue, Smokey, MGMT, 2livecrew, whatever else comes to mind. Now to writing. Then to sleeping. Then, sweet weekend. Then another week of abandon, perdition, no absolution.

Quentin invited me for brunch. Carpaccio of scallops with pistachio oil, salmon, three ways: tartar, rilletes and 'taxi brousse', then Johann's cheesecake. Pints at Kevin's and hanging with Trish, culinary superdiva. Guinness in a champagne glass!

A few pints at Kevin's. Random visit to Cantine de Quentin ends up mini-party on terrace with a Croatian and Romanian model! Chilled wine, sun, breeze, ciggies, good humored conversation, sweet karma.

Thanks Alison. They contacted me today. Can't wait to see how this turns out. One thing is for sure- I will give a very realistic portrayal of what it is to be me. I think that aprés moi will be the déluge. Meaning media success, future projects,hot chicks and free booze.

Bob's Juice Bar and Kitchen

Nice surprise today at the recently opened BOB'S JUICE BAR AND KITCHEN. Veggie stew with lentils, fennel,potatoes, beetroots, followed by organic banana pancakes, a detox juice, ginger tea and lemon muffins. And being taken care of by Rachel, the most gorgeous foodinista around put a smile on my face.

MILF Brunch Destiny

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